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This only festers and grows proportionately as the band gets bigger and no band ever grows out of it.

All bands end in tantrums, tears and bitter acrimony. That said, it can be very helpful to have a partner, someone who you can bounce ideas off and vice versa. that you will convince the largest cross section of the British public to go out and buy your record.

The myth of a band being gang of lads out “against” the world (read as “to change”, “to shag” or “to save the world”) is pure wishful thinking to keep us all buying the records and reading the journals. Any more than two of you and factions develop and you may as well be in politics. Remember, Top of the Pops is all powerful and has outlasted all the greats (Cliff being the exception to the rule). ” outsider stance only gets you so far and even then takes sodden years and ends up with you alienating vast chunks of the Great British public who don’t want to be confronted with Jim Reid’s skin problem on a Thursday evening.

Mind you, it’s a myth that many band members want to believe themselves. There is no place for the nostalgia of the four lads who shook the world or the last gang in town. I repeat, take Top of the Pops to your bosom and learn to love the platform that matters the most.

Watch Top of the Pops religiously every week and learn from it. YOU CAN BEGIN ANY SUNDAY EVENING You can begin any Sunday evening by listening to Bruno Brookes introducing the Top 40 Show between 4pm and 7pm.

Be ready to dip your hands in the lucky bag of life, gather the storm clouds of fantasy and anoint your own genius.

The celebrated, of course, are apt to fall into a world of drugs, drink, broken marriages and bankruptcy but even this is given the glamour treatment instead of the squalid misery that it is in reality. The majority of Number One’s are achieved early on in the artist’s public career and before they have been able to establish reputations and build a solid fan base.

Along with the soap stars, sporting heroes and selected (however distant) members of the Royal Family, pop stars belong to a glittering world of showbiz parties, at one end of the scale, to illicit liaisons, at the other, where their lives are dragged up, dressed up, made up and ultimately destroyed.

Real bands never get to Number One – unless they are puppets.

If you are in a band you will undoubtedly be aware of the petty squabbles and bitching that develops within them.

The fact that a record is Number One automatically means the track is in a very short period of time going to become over exposed and as worthless as last month’s catchphrase.

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