Take for example them waiting for you at the door when you return home, helping hold your bag/briefcase and saying you’ve had a tough day.This is just Japan’s basic etiquette, there’s no real meaning/sincerity.And then you apologize, apologize for reacting badly and possibly having hurt or insulted her or making her feel bad. (Also, do yourself a favor: don’t refer to anything in her past as “nasty shit”. That just ends up being judgmental as hell and will only put her on the defensive. but I pride myself in rising about it, thanks to a feminist cousin and having more female friends (like real, honest to God friends, none of that friendzone bullshit) than male friends. That’s a and damn near everything around you from your parents to your teachers to the television shows you watch and the music you listen to has reinforced these ideas over and over and over again. The progressive liberal says something that’s actually kinda racist.Lately I started to date the most amazing girl ever, I even think she might be the one, and we haven’t even had sex yet… So even though you understand that it’s all bullshit, you still have this emotional core that raises it’s head and goes “wait, she’s had sex? The feminist says or acts in a way that’s actually kinda backwards.It’s all strictly baggage, and I want to work past it.” And then you two have a sit-down and talk about it.You explain your side of things – that you hadn’t realized that her level of sexual experience and sexual openness was going to trigger this backwards emotional reaction in you.
The key to relationship is always: communication, communication, communication.You may need to take things slowly at first as you adjust. You may have to agree to be a bit more circumspect about your respective sexual histories as you work to get past that unpleasant emotional reaction. And when you’re feeling frustrated, remember: her past and everything in it has lead her to becoming the person she is today. Doctor’s Note: I’m working on a new book, due out in 2015 from Thought Catalog. Nerd Love is going to be working on a lighter schedule, focusing on reader’s questions. Nerd Love articles will be going up every Monday and Friday. There is no reason for me to act like this, I used to think that dating a more experienced girl would be the best thing ever (And I was soooooo cool and above these other savages). I totally get that you’re embarrassed, JASTB – and that says a lot about you.We’ll be back to the regular schedule after the book is finished. I live in a very sexually repressed society, Honduras, specially when it comes to women sexuality. You recognize that wigging out over the fact that your partner has had more experience than you – including some experiences that may be outside of your comfort zone – is kinda unreasonable. This happens all the time to well meaning people in a multitude of situations.Yeah, it sucks that you suddenly find yourself having a hard time handling your girlfriend’s experiences, but you recognize that it’s fucked up and you’re trying to get past that. That’s a lot more than a lot of other, less cool people might have done in your situation.